pencils

I asked a question about a pencil earlier this week.

Which end is most important?

I just love pencils!  I have cups filled with them displayed on my counter, I have a string of metal bucket filled with them hanging on the wall and I almost always have a couple setting on my desk.  I find the prettiest ones at a large craft store close by (Michaels $1+ section) and there are always great pencils at gift shops and junk stores.

 

I don't just love pencils...I use them.  It is so much easier to change my mind in pencil!  Which brings me back to the original question...which end is most important?

 

A pencil is a useful tool.  We can record thoughts, histories, stories and more with a pencil...it is a chew toy when we are in school and nervously taking a test...it is perfect for creating music, poetry and art.  There are two ends to every pencil.  The other end has only one use...to erase.

Now which end is most important?

I believe both ends are equally important....one who creates must also have the ability to erase.

 

I have a favorite novel...it is old and relevant even today.  You may have seen the old movies or the musical based on this book...Les Miserables by Victor Hugo.  It is a story of two men.  One cannot forgive anyone not even himself the other man can forgive anyone except himself.  I know other people have taken other messages from the story of Les Miserable but for me it is always a story of forgiveness.  From the priest who give Jean Valjean the silver from his theft to the death of Javert as he confronts his own lack of humanity and finally to Jean Valjean's lonely death as he abandons all those he loves because he cannot forgive himself for his past mistakes.

 

As a young girl I gave my little sister a haircut one day.  I "trimmed" her bangs about a 1/2" long and all the way back to the middle of her head.  My mom was furious and my dad laughed.  His comment has stuck with me all these years, "the only difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about two weeks".

 

The thread that connects all these things is forgiveness. 

for me self-forgiveness is the hardest thing I will ever do.  I can forgive just about anyone for their mistakes. Neighbors, children, husband, friends, even strangers...I can easily forgive them.

But when it comes to forgiving myself it is a different story.  I seem to be more critical and unforgiving of myself than anyone else.

I am over weight - I can't forgive myself and I am occasionally unkind to myself with my self-talk and by pointing out my problem in unflattering ways.  I feel like I embarrass my friends and family so I stay home or try to be invisible in public settings.  This weight issue is one I will work on all of my life and it is the one thing I most want to change about myself.  What I have just recently come to understand is that until I forgive myself for being over weight I will never be able to change it.

 

I am forgetful - I obsess over my forgetfulness and call myself dumb. It is human but I feel like I should be better than that.

 

I am unorganized - I remind myself of how I don't measure up. I keep most people at arms length so they cannot witness the disorganization in my home and in my life.

 

So today my word is forgive...I begin today to forgive myself for not always being enough...for not being as perfect as I think I should be...as the world says I should be.

 

And that my friends is the answer of which end is most important...it depends on which one we are using at the moment, and today it is the eraser because I am learning to forgive.

 

Challenge:

Choose a word that can change your reality

Promise:

It will be hard but change can come.

 

 

My friend Abbie has taken this challenge and she started out with a huge bang!  She is confronting her demons and letting them go...they will have no power over her!

I love you Abbie!

 

always,

michele